🔭 astrophysics

On The Detection of Digiorno-like Objects in the Flavor Zone

This paper humorously proposes a new SETI methodology for detecting civilizations that directly harness stellar energy to cook food in a "Flavor Zone" using "Digiorno-like objects," only to conclude that such objects are undetectable with current technology and that the search should not be attempted.

Original authors: Logan A. Pearce, Sue D'Oh Nym

Published 2026-04-01

📖 4 min read☕ Coffee break read

CC BY 4.0

Original authors: Logan A. Pearce, Sue D'Oh Nym

Original paper licensed under CC BY 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/). ✨ This is an AI-generated explanation of the paper below. It is not written or endorsed by the authors. For technical accuracy, refer to the original paper. Read full disclaimer

Imagine you are an astronomer looking for aliens. Usually, you look for signs of life like liquid water (the "Goldilocks Zone") or giant energy-harvesting structures like Dyson Spheres. But what if aliens are so advanced that they skip the boring middle step of making electricity and just use their star's heat to cook dinner?

That is the hilarious premise of this April Fool's paper published in Astronomy & Astrophysics. The authors, Logan Pearce and Sue D'oh Nym (a clear play on "Sue Donym," a pseudonym often used for jokes), propose a new way to hunt for aliens: by looking for Digiorno-like Objects (DLOs) floating in space.

Here is the breakdown of their "serious" research, translated into everyday language:

1. The Big Idea: The "Flavor Zone"

We all know the Habitable Zone, the distance from a star where water stays liquid. The authors invent the Flavor Zone (FZ).

The Analogy: Imagine the Sun is a giant oven. If you put a pizza too close, it burns. Too far, and it stays frozen. The Flavor Zone is the specific ring of space where the temperature is just right to bake a frozen pizza perfectly according to the box instructions (400°F for 22 minutes).
The Goal: They want to know if an alien civilization could just park their frozen pizzas in this zone and let the star do the cooking.

2. The "Pizza" Model

To do the math, they created a "toy model" of a DLO.

The Object: A 12-inch frozen pizza (specifically a "Supreme" style with pepperoni, sausage, and veggies, but no olives because the authors don't like them).
The Physics: They calculated how much starlight hits the pizza, how much heat it absorbs, and how fast it would cook.
The Orientation Problem: They realized that if the pizza floats "crust-side" toward the star, only the edge gets hot. If it floats "cheese-side" up, the whole thing cooks. They concluded the aliens would need to be very careful to keep the pizza facing the right way, perhaps even attaching tiny rocket boosters to flip it halfway through cooking.

3. The Orbit Problem

For the pizza to cook, it has to stay in the Flavor Zone for about 25 minutes.

The Challenge: If the pizza is in a perfect circle, it stays at the right temperature. But if the orbit is slightly oval (eccentric), the pizza might zoom too close and burn, or drift too far and freeze.
The Math: They found that the pizza's orbit would need to be almost perfectly circular (less than 6% oval) to ensure a "perfectly cooked" meal without burning the crust.

4. Can We Actually See These Space Pizzas?

This is where the paper delivers its punchline. The authors ran simulations to see if our current telescopes could spot a floating pizza.

Transit Method (Watching it pass in front of the star):
- The Result: A pizza is tiny compared to a star. Blocking the light of a star with a 12-inch pizza is like trying to see a single grain of sand pass in front of a stadium floodlight from a mile away.
- Verdict: Impossible. The signal is too small.
Direct Imaging (Taking a picture of the pizza next to the star):
- Thermal Glow: A cooked pizza is hot (about 477 Kelvin). But compared to the blinding brightness of the star, the pizza's heat is invisible. It's like trying to see a candle flame next to a supernova.
- Reflected Light: Could we see the pizza reflecting starlight? No. The pizza is so small and the star so bright that the contrast is about 60 magnitudes.
- The Metaphor: Trying to spot a space pizza with current technology is like trying to find a single, glowing firefly sitting on the surface of the Sun while standing on Earth.

5. The Conclusion

The paper concludes with a very serious, very dry statement: "DLOs aren't detectable with current technology nor should anyone ever try."

They recommend that SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) scientists stop looking for space pizzas. They suggest that future research should focus on "None" and explicitly advise: "Don't do this."

Summary

This is a brilliant piece of scientific satire. It uses the rigid, serious language of astrophysics (equations, albedo, orbital eccentricity, blackbody radiation) to discuss something completely absurd (cooking frozen pizzas in space). It highlights how difficult it is to detect small, faint objects near bright stars, all while poking fun at the lengths scientists will go to in order to find extraterrestrial life.

The Bottom Line: If aliens are out there cooking Digiorno pizzas in space, we will never know, because our telescopes aren't strong enough to see a single slice of pepperoni floating in the dark.

Technical Summary: "On The Detection of Digiorno-like Objects in the Flavor Zone"

1. Problem Statement
This paper addresses a hypothetical extension of the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI). While traditional SETI searches for technosignatures like Dyson spheres (energy harvesting) or radio transmissions, this work investigates the feasibility of a civilization directly harnessing stellar radiation for food preparation, bypassing intermediate energy conversion steps. The authors propose the existence of "Digiorno-like Objects" (DLOs)—extraterrestrial analogs to frozen pizzas—cooking in a specific orbital region termed the "Flavor Zone" (FZ). The core problem is to define the physical parameters of this zone and determine if current astronomical technology can detect such objects via transit photometry or high-contrast imaging.

2. Methodology
The authors employ a "toy model" approach, treating the DLO as a flat disk (12-inch diameter, ~900g mass) composed of dough, sauce, cheese, and toppings. The methodology involves:

Thermodynamic Modeling: The authors derive the equilibrium temperature of a DLO based on stellar luminosity ( $L_*$ ), orbital separation ( $r$ ), and albedo ( $A$ ). They define the Flavor Zone (FZ) as the orbital distance where the incident stellar flux maintains the DLO at an optimal cooking temperature of 375–425°F (463.7–491.5 K), based on standard package instructions for 22–25 minutes.
Orbital Mechanics: The study analyzes orbital stability within the FZ. It calculates the required circular velocity and examines the effects of orbital eccentricity ( $e$ ) on the time the DLO spends within the optimal temperature range.
Orientation Analysis: The authors model two orientations: "cheese-on" (face-on to the star) and "crust-on" (edge-on). They conclude that the "cheese-on" orientation is thermodynamically optimal for energy absorption, while "crust-on" reduces absorbed power by ~90% due to the reduced cross-sectional area.
Observational Simulations:
- Transit Photometry: Using the planetplanet Python package, the authors simulated the transit of a DLO across Proxima Centauri.
- High-Contrast Imaging (HCI): The authors calculated the contrast ratios for both thermal emission (assuming a blackbody at 477.6 K) and reflected light (assuming an albedo of 0.6) for DLOs orbiting nearby stars like Alpha Centauri A and Sirius A.

3. Key Contributions

Definition of the Flavor Zone (FZ): The paper formally defines the FZ as the orbital regime where stellar flux allows for the direct cooking of a DLO. Table 1 provides calculated FZ boundaries (in AU and milliarcseconds) for various stellar types (G, M, A, and D spectral types).
Orbital Constraints: The study determines that to maintain a DLO within the FZ for a full orbit (rather than just a 20-minute cooking window), the orbital eccentricity must be extremely low ( $e < 0.06$ ).
Albedo Estimation: The authors estimate a uniform albedo of $A \approx 0.06$ for the DLO based on cheese reflectance data, though they note a higher potential albedo ( $A \approx 0.6$ ) for reflected light calculations.
Detection Thresholds: The paper quantifies the extreme difficulty of detection, calculating that transit signals would require a flux dip of 1 part in $10^9$ , and direct imaging would require contrast ratios of $\sim 10^{-24}$ (thermal) to $\sim 10^{-23}$ (reflected light).

4. Results

Detectability: The study concludes that DLOs are undetectable with current or near-future technology.
- Transits: The transit depth for a 12-inch object around a star like Proxima Centauri is below the resolution limits of current simulations and instruments (e.g., JWST).
- Direct Imaging: The contrast ratio between a cooked DLO and its host star is approximately 57–60 magnitudes. This is orders of magnitude beyond the capabilities of current high-contrast imagers, even for favorable targets like Alpha Centauri A.
Orbital Dynamics: While a DLO released at the center of the FZ with zero eccentricity remains in the zone for the cooking duration, any significant eccentricity ( $e > 0.06$ ) causes the object to exit the FZ before the cooking cycle is complete.
Solar Radiation Pressure (SRP): The authors acknowledge SRP as a potential perturbation but dismiss detailed calculation as unnecessary for the conclusion, noting the object's low mass makes it susceptible to being pushed out of the FZ.

5. Significance and Conclusion
The paper serves as a satirical yet technically rigorous exercise in applying astrophysical principles to an absurd premise.

Scientific Value: While the subject matter is a parody (explicitly labeled as an "April Fool's" paper), the methodology correctly applies radiative transfer equations, orbital mechanics, and contrast ratio calculations. It highlights the extreme sensitivity required to detect small, non-luminous objects in the habitable zones of other stars.
Conclusion: The authors definitively state that searching for extraterrestrial intelligence via "Digiorno-like Objects" is a "huge waste of time." They recommend that no future work be undertaken in this direction, as the signal-to-noise ratios required are physically unattainable with current observational platforms.

Note: The paper is a humorous submission to Astronomy & Astrophysics (dated April 1, 2026), utilizing the formal structure of a scientific manuscript to deliver a joke about the limits of SETI and the absurdity of searching for pizza in space.