Adversity, Trauma-Related Symptoms, Parenting Perceptions, and Attachment in Domestic Violence-Exposed Caregiver–Child Dyads

When a family is torn apart by violence inside the home, the damage rarely stays confined to the adult who is being hurt. Children living in those same houses are often exposed to the fear, the shouting, and the threat, even if they are not the direct target of the blows. This exposure can leave deep marks on how a child sees the world, how they trust others, and how they handle their own emotions. Scientists who study these situations often look at two main ideas to understand what happens next. One idea suggests that the way a parent was treated when they were a child might shape how they act as a parent later, potentially passing difficult patterns down to the next generation. The other idea focuses on the bond between parent and child, asking whether the child feels safe and loved, or whether that connection has been broken by fear and chaos. Understanding these dynamics is crucial because it helps experts figure out how to heal families, not just by treating individual symptoms, but by repairing the relationship itself.

A recent study conducted in Portugal set out to look closely at this exact situation. The researchers gathered a group of 56 families where the mother had been a victim of domestic violence and her child was living with her. These families were already working with child protection services or victim support organizations, meaning they were dealing with serious, ongoing challenges. The mothers in the study were around 40 years old, and their children ranged from 6 to 18 years old, with an average age of 11. The team asked both the mothers and the children to fill out detailed questionnaires about their lives. They wanted to know about the bad things that had happened to them, the scary feelings they still carried, how they viewed their parenting or their upbringing, and how strong they felt the emotional bond was between them.

The results painted a picture of a life filled with heavy burdens for both generations. The mothers reported a high number of difficult experiences, especially in their adult lives, including emotional and physical abuse, neglect, and violence from their partners. The children also reported many traumatic events, with the most common being witnessing domestic violence, experiencing serious illness, or facing abandonment. While both groups had suffered greatly, the specific types of bad things they experienced did not always match up perfectly. For instance, a mother might have experienced sexual abuse in her own childhood, while her child had not faced that specific type of harm, even though they both lived through other forms of trauma. This suggests that while the general atmosphere of danger is shared, the specific wounds each generation carries can be different.

One of the most striking findings was a significant gap between what the mothers thought they were providing and what the children actually felt they were receiving. The mothers generally described their parenting in very positive terms. They believed they offered a lot of emotional support, love, and availability to their children. However, when the children were asked about the same things, they reported receiving far less emotional support than their mothers believed they were giving. At the same time, the children felt that their mothers tried to control them much more than the mothers admitted to doing. This disconnect is not necessarily because the mothers are lying or the children are mistaken; rather, it suggests that the trauma and stress the mothers are living with might make it hard for them to accurately read their children's feelings. A mother might be trying her hardest to protect her child, but the child, living in a state of fear, might perceive that protection as control or might not feel the safety the mother intends to offer.

The study also found that the more violence a mother experienced, the more she reported feeling anxious, depressed, or traumatized. Interestingly, the mothers who reported higher levels of trauma symptoms also tended to rate their bond with their children as very strong and secure. This might seem contradictory, but it could mean that when a mother is in deep distress, she tries even harder to hold onto her child emotionally, perhaps as a way to cope with her own pain. It is like a person who is drowning trying to hold onto a life raft with both hands; the grip is tight, but it might not feel like safety to the person being held. The children, however, did not always feel that same sense of security. The more the children felt rejected or controlled, the less they felt supported, and this mismatch was linked to the mothers' own reports of how close they felt to their children.

The researchers were careful to note that their work does not prove that trauma is automatically passed from mother to child like a genetic trait. Instead, the data suggests a pattern where difficult experiences tend to cluster in families, and where the way a mother and child see their relationship can be very different from each other. The study highlights that when families are recovering from domestic violence, it is not enough to just ask the mother how she is doing or just ask the child how they feel. To truly help, experts need to listen to both sides of the story. They need to understand that a mother's intention to love and protect might not always land the way she hopes it will, and that a child's feeling of fear or control might not mean the mother is failing, but that the relationship needs a new kind of support to heal the gap between them. By focusing on the relationship itself and helping both the mother and the child understand each other's perspectives, it may be possible to break the cycle of fear and build a safer future for the next generation.