Bullying, Discipline or Authority? Parents’ and Teachers’ Understanding and Interpretation Examined
This study reveals that parents and teachers often struggle to distinguish adult-to-child bullying from legitimate discipline due to normalized behaviors and institutional dynamics, suggesting that expanding the definition of bullying beyond peer interactions is essential for a comprehensive understanding of harmful power dynamics in children's social environments.
Original paper licensed under CC BY 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/). This is an AI-generated explanation of the paper below. It is not written or endorsed by the authors. For technical accuracy, refer to the original paper. Read full disclaimer
For decades, the story of bullying has been told almost exclusively as a conflict between children. We picture a playground, a hallway, or a digital chat room where one young person targets another, often with a group watching on. This view has shaped how schools and parents understand the problem: bullying is something peers do to peers, and the job of adults is to stop it. But this perspective leaves out a crucial part of the picture. It ignores the fact that children live in a world built and run by adults, where power is not just a feeling but a reality. In families and schools, parents and teachers hold authority. They set rules, manage behavior, and decide what is acceptable. When an adult uses that power to hurt a child, the line between necessary discipline and harmful abuse can become incredibly blurry. While we have long known that harsh parenting or mean teachers can damage a child's well-being, we have rarely asked if these actions fit the definition of bullying. This question matters because if we do not recognize adult-to-child bullying as a distinct and serious issue, we may fail to protect children from harm that is disguised as care, correction, or simply "how adults behave."
A team of researchers in Hungary set out to explore this gray area. They wanted to understand how parents and teachers themselves make sense of these difficult situations. Do they see a difference between a teacher who is strict and one who is cruel? Do they recognize when a parent's shouting crosses the line into bullying? To find out, the researchers gathered five groups of adults in Hungary. These groups included both mothers and fathers, as well as teachers from various schools. The researchers did not just ask for opinions; they showed the participants data from a previous survey that revealed how common these harmful interactions actually are. Then, they let the groups talk. They asked the adults to look at specific examples, such as a teacher laughing at a student's notebook or a parent using a nickname that makes a child feel small. The goal was to see how these adults negotiated the boundaries of what counts as bullying when the person causing the harm is an authority figure.
The conversations revealed that drawing a line is far more complicated than it seems. When the adults discussed whether a behavior was bullying, they did not rely on a single rule. Instead, they weighed several factors. They asked: Was this done on purpose? Did it happen just once, or was it repeated? How severe was the hurt? And perhaps most importantly, did the child feel humiliated? One parent noted that a joke is only a joke if everyone finds it funny; the moment one person stops laughing, it becomes something else. Another parent shared that a single, severe incident could leave a lasting scar, challenging the old idea that bullying must happen many times to count. The participants struggled with the fact that adults often intend their actions as discipline or correction, while the child experiences them as humiliation. A teacher might show a student's poor work to the whole class to motivate them, but the child feels exposed and degraded. The adults in the study recognized that the power imbalance between an adult and a child makes this distinction even harder to see. Because the adult is in charge, their behavior is often accepted as normal, even when it causes deep pain.
The study also uncovered a powerful reason why these behaviors are so hard to stop: adults are the primary models for how children learn to treat one another. The participants described children as observers who watch how their parents and teachers handle conflict, stress, and authority. If a parent screams or a teacher mocks a student, the child learns that this is how people with power behave. One teacher recalled a child who hissed at classmates, and when asked why, the child simply said, "My daddy does." This insight suggests that bullying is not just a problem between children; it is a pattern that is learned and repeated from the top down. The adults in the groups realized that the environment matters. A school with high stress, large classes, and little support for teachers can create conditions where frustration turns into harmful behavior. Similarly, a family culture that normalizes shouting or physical punishment sets a stage where children learn that aggression is acceptable. The researchers found that the adults did not see bullying as an isolated act by a "bad" person, but as a symptom of a wider system of relationships and social norms.
However, recognizing the problem is only the first step. The study found that even when adults admit that harmful behavior happens, fixing it is incredibly difficult. The participants expressed deep uncertainty about what to do when a teacher or a parent is the one causing harm. In cases of peer bullying, there are clear rules: tell a teacher, call a parent, follow a procedure. But when the aggressor is an adult, the path forward disappears. Parents asked, "If it's another child, you know who to tell. But if it's the teacher, whom do you tell then?" Teachers admitted that professional loyalty and the fear of rocking the boat often prevent them from reporting a colleague. The culture of schools and families often protects the adult, making it hard for a child to speak up or for a parent to be heard. The study suggests that this silence is not just about fear; it is about a lack of clear systems. Without specific procedures to handle allegations against adults, and without a culture that encourages open dialogue rather than defensiveness, harmful behavior can continue unchecked.
The findings of this research point to a necessary shift in how we think about safety and bullying. It suggests that we cannot simply add adults to the list of potential bullies and expect the same rules to apply. The relationship between an adult and a child is fundamentally different from the relationship between two children. It is built on authority, dependence, and care. Because of this, the way we define and respond to harm must change. The study does not claim to have solved the problem or to have found a magic formula. Instead, it offers a clearer view of the confusion that exists right now. It shows that many adults are trying to do the right thing but are trapped by old habits, unclear boundaries, and a lack of support. To truly protect children, the researchers suggest that schools and families need to broaden their understanding. They must create spaces where adults can reflect on their own behavior, where children feel safe to speak up, and where the line between discipline and bullying is drawn with the child's experience in mind. Until we acknowledge that adults can be bullies, and until we build systems to address it, the cycle of harm will likely continue, hidden in plain sight behind the mask of authority.
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